The Seven Personalities of Sparky

I’m taking care of a friend's cat, Sparky, while she’s in Europe. I’m testing the waters of pet ownership. This is an update in to my temporary pet ownership experience.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve come to realize that my friend didn’t give me one cat, but seven. This cat has multiple personalities! I’ve named each of these sub-personalities with an “S” name other than Sparky.

Satan, Lord of the Underworld
For the first several days he lived not under my roof but under my furniture. He effectively ruled this area of my house. In his adjustment to the new environment he hissed and growled at any approaches. His rule was absolute. You couldn’t enter the underworld without permission and his grace.

Spitz, Mark-Olympic Champion
Sparky, once comfortable, began his nightly training for the Kitty Olympics. He would test his athletic skills by creating a race course. From the top of my headboard, around the outside of the bedroom, into the study. A quick stop to eat a bite and then he is off to the living room, under the couch, around the dining table, into the kitchen. Then with the precision of a racecar driver, rounding the curve to head back through the living room onto the scratching pad to sharpen his claws. And neck in neck with his imagined opponent, he’d race back in the bedroom and back to his post at the headboard.

What was truly amazing was his total discipline. Every morning, before most self-respecting Olympic athletes would wake up, Sparky would be up and training. In fact, one could say Sparky does more all night than the Army does before 7 am.

Socrates
After his Olympic training ended, my friend would turn into a polemicist. His meows and mews intended to convince me that 4:30am was not only the acceptable time to wake up and get him breakfast, but that it was part of the path to virtue. The form of the good, my feline philosopher would argue, comes in sacrificing my sleep for the greater good. The greater good, he explained in a sophisticated meow, consisted in stopping the rumbles in his belly.

Simba – The Lion
On day four, he became the hunting lion. He slowly moved into position to watch his prey from a safe spot where he could wait for the opportune moment. His patience like that of an Army sniper or a professional photographer…waiting for the perfect moment for the perfect shot.

He knew his prey was unaware of his silent approach. He slid forward as if floating on the air, eyes fixed on the prey. And at the perfect moment, he pounced. My unsuspecting toe, which, I apparently wiggle in my sleep, was the victim of Sparky’s lion attack. The small amount of blood he drew must have sated him, because he’s kept the Simba personality caged since then.

The Sophomore
He’s now been here a few weeks and another personality emerged: the sophomoric prankster. As I write this, he is constantly batting at the pen. If I stop to pet him, he’s not interested. When I start to write again, he makes the pen his play thing. The same thing happens when I type on the computer or read a book or do just about anything. When this personality comes out, you are at the mercy of a cat with a sense of humor.

The Stoic
One last personality hiding within this little beast is the stoic observer. Sparky climbs to the highest spot in the room to observe, to watch, to judge, without emotion. Often he assumes this posture as he watches out one of the windows. His watchful eyes catch everything. He acts as if he’s all knowing and totally indifferent.

I think my favorite personality of his is the one I call Sparky. The one that climbs on my lap, starts to purr, and, as I pet him, gradually begins to knead my pants. It is as if I’ve given a chocoholic “Death By Chocolate Ice Cream”. His enjoyment is complete and totally consumes him.

Sometimes this Sparky comes out as I’m reading. I’ll be on my back holding the book at a 90 degree angle on my chest and Sparky will nestle between my body and my upper arm making a home for himself. So I think I’ll keep calling him Sparky to keep this personality alive.